I'm so proud! I've taught myself Knockin' On Heaven's Door, the original Bob Dylan one, it's so simple. My left hand kills, but it's worth it.

XD

Changed Daniel's link, so he'd stop fricking reminding me about it.

Time for another post, to show that I haven't been neglectful and uncaring. I just finished watching the majority of the Buffy Marathon on Space. It was really good.
I haven't slept much lately, and when I did, it wasn't an easy sleep. It kinda sucks, really. Whenever I'm on the phone, I slur and I'm tired. When I type it's not clear. I can't make what I want to say clear, and I end up not making any sense to who I talk to, and not enough sense to myself. I'm having a bit of trouble focusing on the laptop screen.

It really shows when I talk. Words like "I really think we should talk" sound more like "Ehhh relly thing weh shud tak." It's kinda funny until my point becomes lost. Then it's a bit of a pain in the ass.

As you can see, I'm dragging it on.

I envy dogs a bit. They have life really simple. I mean, really. They really only need love, food, water, and some toys. They only require the bare essentials in life, while we're all strung out and going apeshit over the latest graphics card on the market, the newest system on the block, stuff like that. I don't know what I'd do though. I guess I'd just sit around and talk to friends, just relax.

Well, that's all for today. Yep.
I RNT DEAD.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Mr. Barnes left, but what a sendoff we gave him. We stayed around after school till like... 4:30. Was a lot of fun.

I'm not dead!

I'm in school. Computer class. $5 says someone reads over my shoulder. Anyways. I haven't posted in a long while, no real reason why I didn't.

I spent Recess in Mr. Barnes' class. He had his guitar, and he started playing Creep by Radiohead. It was amazing. I ended up doing the vocals, and yeah. There was a big crowd in his class. I had fun, I'm dropping in at Lunch to goof off and stuff. I have him for last period too, for MSI. (Modern Social Issues)

Anyways, this isn't that great of a way to kill time. Or anything else for that matter.

You're so fucking special...

"My problems are nothing, there are people in other countries that are worse off than me. People starving, etc etc."
Never tell yourself this.

I told a friend of mine once that when you say this to yourself, you're really only masking your problems and lying to yourself to make yourself feel better. You're not there. You're not in that situation.

You're here. You've got friends to talk to. People to turn to. You've got people that you can trust.

I know like... 15 different people that I can turn to for advice. But I don't know why I feel so tongue tied. I've felt down but I don't know why. I'd talk about it, but it's one of those things that perplexes me. I feel down for no reason, I have every reason to be up and about, yet I'm not.

People ask me why I don't go to them for advice. They say how I always find time to help them out yet when it comes to myself, I never feel like sharing. They feel guilty because it's almost one sided. I soak all their problems in and I don't return the favour. The best I can tell them is that I don't want to burden them with my problems. That's not everything though. I have trouble telling people how I feel, because I have this fear of what'll happen after I say what bothers me. Especially if it involves them directly. I have trouble expressing myself, that's a way of putting it. When it comes to writing, I can do that easy, but when it comes to talking about my personal life... I'm comfortable talking about the good times, but I can't bring myself to say a word about the stuff that brings me down.

There's also this guilt hovering over my head every day.
Lies.
I do it a lot. I hate it. But I can't help it. I'll explain what I mean.
I lie when people ask me what's wrong. They can tell exactly how I feel just by how I look, posture, expression, even just by the sound of my voice. But I tell them I'm okay. Connects with above. I've tried over and over to stop myself from doing this, but it's a nasty habit that I can't shake off. I've broken promises to myself. Said things like "I promise I won't lie about that," and yet I always end up doing it. It's a pretty horrible feeling.
I know that being honest will lead me to feeling better, but... I don't know.

I'm such a fucking mess sometimes, I worry myself and everyone else.

I've got time to kill. Like, lots. I'm in Comp class, and like, yeah. I finish assignments unusually fast, so I find myself with a hell of a lot of free time to use up. So what am I going to do?

Well, I've been given a bonus assignment to take up my time. I don't know what it is, but I'll find out soon enough.

Bwahahahaha!

Sharing your opinion on a blog may hurt other people, and in the process, can lead you to lose friends.
Lesson learned.
Shut the fuck up.

Chocolate fondue = mass pwnage.

Ever watch that music video for Karma Police? That song by Radiohead? It has a guy being chased by a car. He's running, and the car is moving behind him. The car nearly hits him, but backs away, revealing a gas leak. He sets the car on fire afterwards. It doesn't make much sense at first, but according to fans, it's supposed to show that what you do will catch up to you sooner or later.

Things are starting to catch up to me, and bit by bit I'm regretting things I've been doing in recent days.

I'm sorry. To everyone.
Sounds like a suicide note, eh?
You're reading this, thinking it's some sort of twisted suicide note to the people, but really, it's just an apology. An apology to the people I may have hurt lately. Either directly or inadvertently, I'm so sorry. Don't be surprised if slowly I start pulling myself from everyone, slowly detaching myself from the world.
I'm sorry for everything. Telling her this, leading her to that, eating all that chocolate fondue...
By the way, my depressing CD's up for grabs. I hate listening to it because I always feel like shit after hearing it.
Lazy readers start here
Basically, I realized I started a chain reaction of shit, and everything's started sucking.

Go visit some of those links to the left. I'm sure there's something out there worth reading.
God damn, Emma, can't you just keep your fucking opinion to yourself at least once? You don't realize that while sharing your opinion is nice, you could be hurting people in the process. Lesson learned: SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP.
EDIT: I feel much better, thanks to You.

Hiding. You deal with your depression by wearing a
mask. No one ever knows your depressed, so no
one can ever pity you. On the outside you're
calm and collected. Inside, your blood boils...
But that's ok, as long as everyone thinks
you're normal.


How do you deal with your depression?
brought to you by Quizilla

Took out the pic, but left the text. It's true though, I do hide it. I'd know. I've been doing just that for like... two weeks now.

6 days since I've last posted. I know some of you were getting a little worried.
If you're reading this, good job! You've found the secret text!
Okay, I'm getting ahead of myself. No one was really worried. But anyways.

The story so far...

I made a CD this morning with the intent of making something emotionally down. I think about it now and I have no idea why I did. But I did anyways. I listened to it a lot today, and when I got home, I wasn't exactly being all that I could be. But I tried to rise above it, took out the trash, cleaned up and took a short (5 minute) nap.

The nap I took wasn't the kind that I sleep in. I was laying back, eyes closed. My mind overloaded as thoughts spilled out faster than oil spilled out of the Exxon Valdez. The music made me think. About life. Love. People. The things I want. The kinds of thoughts that keep you up at night in a cold sweat. The kinds of thoughts you bury down deep inside behind everything else, hoping that they never come out and haunt you later on.

I hate moments like these. The kind of time you spend seeing all the negatives, all the bad, and all the things you've ever done wrong, and all the things you regret not doing. You wouldn't know it by looking at me, but inside, sometimes, I'm a broken man. I'm emotionally crumbling sometimes. I keep it submerged so others won't be brought down with me, but I know that it's better to let it out and let them know what's wrong.

Especially my friends. Especially her.
I never really share how I feel during the day. I kind of just veer off the subject and talk about something else. A lot of the time, I'm really good. I'm A-OK, as a matter of fact. But sometimes, I'm miserable. It's days like that where I'm quiet and I'm not saying much. I smile it off and say a bit just so they'll feel I'm OK, but then I walk off and go back to being myself.

Before this degenerates into the sort of heavy handed posts that a ton of the blogging population posts, I'll stop here. I've let enough out.

I'm a reasonable man, get off my case.
- Radiohead - from "Packt Like Sardines in a Crushd Tin Box"
Friend is a four letter word.

I haven't posted in days. I haven't shaved in days. I feel great though, even if my next CD compilation is a mellow/sad CD.
What makes it weird is that I'm making it with a smile.

Just finished talking to Alex. I've known her for about a year now. When she picks up the phone, I'm usually able to tell what her mood is right then. Usually it's happy, but there are some days where she sounds so down, so sad. Whenever I hear her like that, I always feel I have to help her out. It hurts to hear her so down sometimes. So I help her out, I talk to her. It makes me feel better knowing she feels better. That's how I am with a lot of my friends. I can't really stand the sight of seeing one of my friends sad.

Anyways. Back to that CD.

November 11th, Remembrance Day. Lest We Forget...

I remember the days of random one word posts which made no sense at all. Those were the days.

Kaboobie.

Tales from the Black Book - Grade 9 -
If you've read this site for a while, or know me personally, you know about the little black book. I've decided to share a few pages, most of which are written with gritty angst Max Payne style description and writing. I did that for the hell of it. Anyways.

===

10-21-03
8:30AM. My mind is about as clear as outside right now. I can't think straight. I'm tired. For a while, I thought about things in life.
3:26PM. Forgot I had this book. The loud rumbles of the metro faded into the back of my mind. The sepia tone of the lights flooded the car, as it moved at what felt like a thousand feet per second.

===

Random Scribbles which I forgot the date for:

My day was drenched in gloom. The sky was a neverending grey, drab and dull. In my frame of mind, all I could do was think in metaphors.
The sky hadn't cleared up since morning. The grey layers only became lighter, but a blue sky was non-existant.

I had hoped to see her today. My memory had failed me though, like it always did and I had forgotten that she said she wouldn't show. As my day went on, things went uphill. But... I still wanted to see her...

Like all the problems in my life, it had to do with a girl.

===

10-24-03
The screen flashed words, a nonsense gibberish which I had no hope in decyphering:

"y halo thar, buttseckz! OMGWTFLOLOL!!1"

Funny as hell, it was the most horrible thing I had seen.

I tried my hand at writing angst. Here's my result. "The streets were rivers of red, the blood of my veins staining the concrete, choking the drains."

===

The Things I Want. By Eric M.
Clean air. Guitar strings.
Sleep.
A close shave.
The chance to have people take me seriously for a change.

But most of all, I wanted her.
After hearing how she had been in recent days, I wanted to be with her.
Close to her. Wanted to hug her, comfort her, tell her things would be okay.
But I couldn't.
I felt helpless.
With the distance between us, there was nothing I could do.

The window offered a depressing sight. A thick fog obscured everything ahead of me. The thick clouds were lettings off layers onto the land below, drenching anyone unfortunate enough to be outside that day. The sun was on the losing end of a battle for daytime, the rain would continue it's stay as champion.

===

10-28-03
Looked up this morning to see a welcome sight.

Blue sky.

It had been forever since I had seen it. With four days of rain, things were very drab.

And now a change of pace from the depression...
Some people in my french class are so fucking stupid. Fucking people, I want some of them to just have their jaws wired shut forever. Okay. no. I don't wish that on anyone except people who deserve that. After a while though, the class drove me to consider painting walls with brains.

Mine and theirs.

===

That's all for today!

Happy Birthday to Jess!

Talking to Kevin, we discussed Burgertime.
Eric says:
Burgertime is probably the most stoned game I've ever seen or heard of. You run away from evil sausages, fried eggs, and salt and pepper shakers which want to kill you, all the while running on top of giant hamburger buns, patties, and lettuce, trying to make a burger.
That'd make such a great movie. Betcha Hollywood's already got the movie rights for that.
Kevin says:
Woody Allen's co-starring.
Eric says:
And it'd be directed by the guy behind Twin Peaks. Just think, backwards talking sausages threaten a tiny chef only trying to make a living in the cruel world that is life.
Kevin says:
...that sounds like one of 2 things to me: By Guy Ritchie....or by Guy Ritchie

Genius, I tell you!

I want to kill nearly all the people in my computer class in their own individual ways.

Seriously. They get me so irritated I want to knock half of them out of the window. I think I'll listen to obscenely loud music.

Nine Inch Nails. :D

Pictures of me from Halloween. I was Max Payne:
Pic. 1

Pic. 2

Here's a shot of Max Payne in game, just as a comparison:
Max In-game

People seemed convinced that the blood was real. I gotta plan next year now. Maybe I'll re-use that shirt and be a John Woo movie hero.

Excerpts from Halloween Conversations on MSN. things I did to make kids scared.
They were walking upstairs, and I jerked the door open and went "BWAHHH!" They turned and shuffled down the stairs. Then turned back and I was like "Are you running or getting candy?" and they got candy.
But because they ran, I gave them gum and crappy lollipops.

I was scratching on the door and screaming out "THE FLESH! THE FLESH! I THINK I'VE DIED!" and yelling out loud. I answered the door all calm and closed it as they went to the second floor. and as they came down, "THE FLESH!"


Something I plan on doing:
BRUIT BRUIT NOISE NOISE says:
im starting to regret not giving out candies
Eric says:
What you should do is leave the light on but have fake blood on hand, and when kids come to the door, start yelling and screaming and pounding on the door and then take fake blood and spatter it on windows.

I take it back, I'm really fucking tired, and I don't like the people in this class.
French and English class next periods could make up for it, I guess.

I've got 15 minutes to kill in class. I'm covered in fake blood, Halloween costume. I've got a picture of me, I'll scan it when I can. I'm pretty uppity, but I have french homework to do. People are reading over my shoulder, fuck off.

just when I thought they stopped. I gotta re-apply the fake blood again. But it's alright.

Checking through my referrer stats, someone found the site by searching up "good names" on MSN search. Kinda surprised where my site can be found. I've got no time, so I'm gonna go fix up my Halloween costume for tomorrow. Should turn out pretty good if I do things just right. I'm gonna be Max Payne. I gotta bring my camera too, I'm sure there'll be great costumes done for tomorrow.

Yeah....

People have a knack for reading over my shoulder in Computer class.

Listening to AFI right now. Really loudly. I think I might consider getting myself Sing the Sorrow. Yeah. I'm just killing time because I've finished stuff really quick like. Killing time. :I feel like playing Max Payne 2 again. So anyways. I've got a good day ahead of me in school. After this class, I've got Modern Social Issues (or MSI) and then English and Math. It's really not a bad day for me.

I hate the people in this class. I'm bringing my CD player a lot more often now.

Angst. I can't believe she said I was angsty. I mean, really, just because I write overly descriptive text in my little black book, doesn't mean I'm pent up teenage angst.

hehehe, that's pretty funny.
Anyways, an example. Tell me if you'd agree on the Tagboard
My day was drenched in gloom.
The sky was a neverending grey, drab and dull. In my frame of mind, all I could do was think in metaphors.

The sky hadn't cleared up since morning. The grey only became lighter, but a blue sky was nonexistant.

Heavily inspired by Max Payne, I find myself writing this stuff every once in a while. Adding a bleak twist to the day, it helps me let things out. I don't think it's that angsty.

Oh well. Carrie asked me to write an "angsty story" for her. I've already gotten it all figured out.
>:)
eeeevil.

Anyways, gotta go.

Removed the letter. Decided to get on with my life. If you missed it, I'm sorry, but yeah. Anyways, yeah. To the two or three readers,
\m/.

:D

[This post was deleted]

6:56 AM, I can't believe I got up at 6. Aahhhh. Well, I'm not tired, I slept really good last night. I'm fairly confident that I won't violently fuck up my biology test today. I'm pretty sure I'll do OK. Yeah....

god dammit.

Btw, I've stopped watching Dawson's Creek. I can only catch it when I'm off, except for the fact that at 10 and 11 AM, other shows are on.
Mainly 11 AM. The Price is Right. Awwww yes.

I'm tired and this post is just like the ones I did back in 2002. check the archives, it's good fun.

and at the risk of sounding like an attention whore, post on the tagboard please, it's flatlining.

In computer class again, and I can't log on to Hotmail, so I can't send emails to other people in computer class like last year. Fuckers. Oh well. I have to look through a bunch of different stocks and then choose one to invest in. I don't know which to choose.
In other news, Max Payne 2's out. Kickass! I hope to have it by the end of the month.

Anyways, before my teacher gets up and looks at this, I'm out.

Happy Canadian Thanksgiving!

kthnxbye.

Oh shit I think I fucked up my site.
EDIT: Phew, okay, it's fine.

Testing our imaginations quite a bit, Daniel and I, like I've mentioned before, are making porno titles. We've come up with some very imaginative stuff. Some examples:
- Necrophilia Follies
- Thickdick, The Big Schlonged Moose
- Privates of the Caribbean
- Weapons of Ass Destruction
- Scat on a Hot Tin Roof
and...
- Detroit Cock City
There's many many more, we've come up with at least 80. It's amazing what a little free time and boredom will do, eh?

Pwned Adam twice in Yahoo pool. Kickass!

It's mighty hard to try to continue a story you haven't seen in nary a year. If you've been following for at least six months, you likely know about James' and my story, Metal Gear ZEN. It's been in the works for about... say... 3 years. And we're not done. Eh... I gotta try to figure out something, I want to finish this off without copping out and saying "Snake fell into an open sewer and died" ending. I wouldn't ever make an ending like that. It's not me!

Well, except if I really wanted to.

Outside of that, there's nothing really new in my life. Nothiiinnnnggg! Well, Jess got my letter. :D
And Daniel and I are now in the porno title making business.

Toodles!

Saturday night, and I'm tired out of my mind, thinking about killer cars, sadness, and being happy. Which is what I am, pretty happy. Even with that damn sad forward, I still feel good. I've been talking to people a little more lately, people I don't usually get to talk to. It's pretty refreshing and uplifting. And it's pretty cool too.
I mean, in the past three days, I've been able to sit down and take a chunk of my time to talk to people I never really get the chance to. I see these people nearly every day at school, but I don't really say anything other than "Hello", or at the very least, a friendly nod. Yeah. I think I'll be doing that more often. For the next little while, I wanna talk to people I don't normally talk to in school, and I want to meet people. Yeah...

That would be cool... maybe even KICKASS! :D

Tired, gonna go.

By the way, when you drive, don't you ever feel kinda scared? yeah... that's for next time...

I'm in computer class. Yeh, it's pretty interesting I guess. Just made 3 schedules. Fun. Gotta wait until everyone else is done their work before I go on. I wish I could play Unreal or something. Yeah. We got Unreal installed on the Macs. \m/.
Gotta run.

More adventures in Meta-Moderating GameFAQs.

Posted: 9/9/2003 8:33:35 AM | Moderated: 9/9/2003 8:35:08 AM
Board:: Current Events | Topic: I have a small black man named Mr. Jitters.
He likes crack and women with big butts.

We call him Mr. Jitters because of how jittery he gets when he's on crack.

He has a tophat and cane he goes dancing with.

He's so cute ^_^

---
"Hold up, wait a minute, let me put some pimp in that!"

Reason for Moderation: Offensive

==============

Posted: 9/22/2003 2:56:14 PM | Moderated: 9/22/2003 2:56:53 PM
Board: Generated Messages | Topic: Generated Message
Automatically generated message from user profile
Username: Cmd Antilles

Public E-mail:

Signature: Art Class-Do...Do I have to draw the p****? Sculpting class-Do...Do I have to sculpt the p****? Music Class-Do...Do I have to conduct with the p****?

Quote: If everyone went around taking an eye for an eye, we would all be blind. ~Winston Churchill

Reason for Moderation: Censor Bypass

==============

(I liked the sig of this one.)

Posted: 9/20/2003 12:00:57 PM | Moderated: 9/20/2003 12:38:45 PM
Board: Life, the Universe, and Everything | Topic: You children are very disturbed and are in need of professional help!!!
Go f*** yourself you over protective B****
---
We all know that Christmas is the mystical time of the year when the ghost of Jesus rises up from the grave and feeds on the flesh of the living-Peter Griffin
Reason for Moderation: Censor Bypass

==============

Posted: 9/8/2003 1:10:22 PM | Moderated: 9/10/2003 2:25:14 PM
Board: Movies: Video and DVD | Topic: When does Gigli come out on DVD?
I can see it now:

Gigli: The Special "Director's Apology Craptacular" Edition featuring commentary from Ben and J-Lo that was recorded right after the night Ben got caught with the stripper!

"Hi, I'm Jennifer Lopez."

"Hi, I'm Ben Affleck."

Jen: "We will be providing you with commentary on our sucktastic movie, Gigli, but Ben you got some splainin' to do first......"

"Yeaaoooooow! WTF was that for?!?"

"Shut up and start talking about this dumbass movie we did together, b***h!!"
---
Stealth+Survival, Eat or Be Eaten, Eat or Die, Hunt or Be Hunted: MGS3: Snake Eater.....on your table in 2004 for PS2!
Reason for Moderation: Censor Bypass

That's it for today. Hope you enjoyed this batch.

So quiet around here.

...


:(

Debaser

You're one cool cookie. You love movies, especially obscure ones, and you talk about them all the time. Even if people don't understand what you are talking about, they stick around anyway because you're just so much fun to be around. You don't always stand out in a crowd, but you can often be identified by your cluster of groupies and fans. You're usually the one throwing all the good parties, too.

Which Pixies song are you?

And my second result:

Where is my Mind?

You're smart, shy, and often nonsensical. You have dreams of being famous, and you're quirky enough that you just might pull them off. Some would call you a genius, others would call you insane, but in reality you're pretty well-adjusted. Take a vacation once in a while- it'll help take your mind off of your troubles.

Which Pixies song are you?

Both work.

Wow, 3000.

...Well... shit.

It's the last season of Friends and I can't remember how long it's been since it's started. By the way, today I'm trying to type with marginally good grammar. I'm practicing my typing, seeing how long I can go without presssing Backspace. Maybe, to prevent the use of it and enforce good typing, I should hook up electrodes to the key, and every time I press it I get a shock.

Nah. Everyone else using the computer wouldn't like that.

I like The Pixies a lot. 'Where Is My Mind?' is playing on repeat, and it's pretty much burned into my head. Not a bad thing though. I like other bands too a lot. Too many to name. Way too many.

When I talk I seem stoned. I've heard it a million times. It's not because I'm stoned, nor because I have speech impediments, but because I'm tired consistently. Either that, or whenever I talk, it's at moments where I'm out of it. Snickers Bars are good.

People seem mad today. I don't know why, but I wouldn't expect to, people stopped telling me things a long time ago, so I'm back to where I started. Back to the days where I just pick up on things myself and piece it together, instead of finding out from others.

This entire post has sent me into an emotionally crushed world of scat porn and rap music.

I don't get it. How does a teacher expect a group of four to think up, write, and (partly) memorize an 8 minute presentation, in french, in less than a week? I ended up doing what I thought was a good presentation, but ended up getting a 60, and so did another in my group. The remaining two got 56. I don't get it, we all did well up there, looked at the audience and didn't just read off our papers. We spoke loud enough too!
Ergh. I don't get it. It's only the start of the year though. I have time to keep going.

5th Graders interpret Radiohead.
http://www.eastbayexpress.com/issues/2003-09-17/music.html/1/index.html

Some odd and funny posts I found while Meta Modding the Gamefaqs boards.
Board: Random Insanity | Topic: jackie chan is the modern times jesus

jesus was very capable in the shaolin arts, they left that part out of the bible.
plus he pile drived lions and beat up heathens with god-like powers...
plus he went around the world finding dragonballs and... umm... beat up mimes!
---
we service our customers, not just their cars : local auto dealer

Reason for Moderation: Offensive
===============

Board: Life, the Universe, and Everything | Topic: Did you ever do anything REALLY nasty as a young kid? *OFFENSIVE*
i shat on a lawyers floor once THAT WILL TEACH HIM NOT TO BE A LAWYYER
---
And i donot like to be grabbed by slimy fat guys! - Rikimaru Tenchu:WoH

Reason for Moderation: Censor Bypass

Removed James' text link, replaced with his banner at his request.

Hm. Time to start saving money. Wish I had a job.

Well.

A day later and I'm tired and now bored. I'm barely called by anyone anymore. It kinda sucks I guess, considering a lot of my time consists of being on a computer and not talking too much in my house. I'd love to hear the phone ring RIGHT now and have it be for me.

Yeah. That would be cool.

10:40PM, I'm up watching Showcase. American History X is on, and I'm making a point to watch it. People say to me how it's an amazing film, and I want to see if their claims are true. I hope so. So far the movie is... different from anything I've seen. I can't put it in words, but it's... I don't know. While talking to Jess, I realized why I'm watching it. I said: "It's kind of hard to watch when you realize it's things like this that happen in the world, and it's hard to see, yet interesting because it's such a taboo and foreign topic."

"Closer"

you let me violate you, you let me desecrate you
you let me penetrate you, you let me complicate you
help me I broke apart my insides, help me I’ve got no soul to sell
help me the only thing that works for me, help me get away from myself
I want to fuck you like an animal
I want to feel you from the inside
I want to fuck you like an animal
my whole existence is flawed
you get me closer to god
you can have my isolation, you can have the hate that it brings
you can have my absence of faith, you can have my everything
help me tear down my reason, help me its' your sex I can smell
help me you make me perfect, help me become somebody else
I want to fuck you like an animal
I want to feel you from the inside
I want to fuck you like an animal
my whole existence is flawed
you get me closer to god

through every forest, above the trees
within my stomach, scraped off my knees
I drink the honey inside your hive
you are the reason I stay alive

I'm going iInhsaatneeyou
If you have half an idea of who I am or have talked to me, you'll have a vague idea of why I'm going mad.

First day of school today, wasn't so bad. My old homeroom got split up and spread across the school, so I'm with a new group. Yeah, that's pretty cool. I got my schedule, and everything looks right. First classes tomorrow.
-Computer Graphics Arts
-Modern Social Issues (pretty much Moral Ed.)
-English
-Math

Hope everything turns out okay. And I hope I remember my math stuff. My skills and whatnot.

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Lo! Who is that, running amidst the terrain! It is SolidEric, hands clutching a bladed baseball bat! And with a low howl, his voice cometh: "I'm going to smash you until you spontaneously degenerate!!"

Find out! Enter username: Are you a girl, or a guy ?

created by beatings : powered by monkeys

Say, Mister!

Uh-huh?

You a poet/man?

Uh-huh, uh-huh.

Me too.

Uh-huh, uh-huh!

I cleaned out the tagboard. A fresh start for a (soon to be) new school year.

okay, well, I left maybe one or two posts.

what a clean city
[im feeling kinda sleep ee]
call an ambulance

Was at the dentist today. It hurt, but my teeth feel shiny clean.

I'm going insane living in this house.

The closest thing to food in my house is this cocktail sausage thing my Dad made, except for the fact that it was pre-canned and tastes like the inside of a dying rabid goat. It's nice that he made something, except that it really... No.

I've eaten Ramen for about a week now, and it's driving me insane. I can't go another day eating boiled noodles in soup that doesn't taste like the flavour advertised. I can't go for another soup in general, unless it has stuff that can be chewed. I'll try and cook something last minute, before I go as crazy as the state of California.

As for the smell, my Dad had the bright idea of buying pigskin by the pound and making homemade Pork Rinds. Now the whole house smells deep fried, and I feel so dirty walking into the kitchen now. I keep thinking he's running a Grease racket, and collecting large amounts of grease in order to make money. And as crazy as that may be, it could damn well be true. It's also kinda scary seeing him walking around the house wearing only boxer shorts in the morning. Not a pretty sight to wake up to.

In other news, the RIAA's newest PSA was leaked on the internet today. View it here.


Good thing it's fake.

Oh my.
Found this in an AIM profile. Just read through it. Oh my.

Secret text day, and there's only like 3 people who can read this.
I always wondered where those 2000 hits came from. I get an average of 120 per week, and I have no clue who reads. maybe it's just because I check in too often. But still, I'd rather be hopeful and think it's because there's people reading.
Pfft, sure. Okay. Most of the people in the links + people on the tagboard are readers, but really now. Where would the rest come from?
Alex, if you pass by here, sorry about my down-ness today. You're right. I had no right to be down. I still think today sucked though. Sorry.
I really have nothing to say today. Nothing big happened, nothing interesting. It was really really really boring. Understatement of the year...Yeah.
Haw haw, my day sucked. I can't even joke about it in this text.

Free boards are temporarily disabled until we resolve some load issues. Enhanced boards are unaffected and you may still enhance your board.

Oh yeah? Well then I'll make my own tagboard! With blackjack! And hookers! In fact, forget the tagboard!

Quiz result day.

YOU ARE MARRIED TO A WoODCHUCK!!!


what's YOUR deepest secret?
brought to you by Quizilla

Leapfrog position-
Guy's are dominant in this position and girls...you
liked to be told "Who's your
daddy!!!"


What Sexual Position are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

no substitute for a healthy smile.
So here is some white text that few will realize is here. It's not too hard to find, but some might be hard pressed to find out what I say. I'll just have a giant post of white text, and people will be "???". Like last time, if you find this, please don't ruin the surprise for others. I'd say stuff that I wouldn't tell others in white text, but no one is stupid, and everyone will figure out to highlight, sooner or later. When they do, that'll be cool.

Hey asshole, you still owe me 6 bucks.

Haha, no one owes me money. I probably owe them, to be honest.

There's a lot to say, but it'll be odd to have a giant post of (what seems like) nothing. That'll be pretty funny actually. I mean, they come to the site and see this big block of nothing, and it's like "...?" Yeah.
7243 8 29626 2 5

cryptic messages. which are from Radiohead covers and stuff. If you do realize this text is here, please don't ruin it for others.

i like you.
i like you. you are a wonderful person. i'm full of enthusiasm. i'm going places. i'll be happy to help you.
i am an important person. would you like to come home with me?

the most essential thing in life is to establish a heartfelt communication with others.

I like this song.
It's catchy.
Listen to this bit coming up.
Listen.
Listen.
There!
Isn't that bit amazing?
Wait.
I'll play it again.

This blog post will, will not communicate these thoughts and the strain I am under.

I felt like saying that with no real reasoning behind why. It's 12:15 in the morning, I'm starting to get tired. I'm writing an email to a friend, and talking to another. I'm plotting things for tomorrow, things involving birthdays, presents, and insanity. I spent an hour or so talking to a friend over the phone. We tried to make each other laugh, since we both weren't in the greatest mood.

I didn't want to say it over the phone, but I really care for her. I care a lot. I never told her this, but whenever she calls and she feels down, I think of it as my... well, not my job, but a sort of... unwritten responsibility to make her feel better. Maybe not completely better, but at the very least, I try to make her crack a smile, or a giggle. I just do this because I want to. I was never asked, and I never ask for anything back. Knowing she's better is enough for me.

And when she reads this, I want her to know, your friends will always be here for you.

I hope that wasn't too sappy or anything. I just wanted to get that off my chest. Just wanted to let that out. I'm looking up now, clock says 12:37. Wow.

I feel as if my body is telling me, "Hey man, slow down. Idiot, slow down."

Outta here.

Hangover Therapy

Watching Cowboy Bebop, I heard of the Prarie Oyster. From what I've gathered, it works well for hangovers. Found this info at Jazz Mess' message board, so credit goes to them for this info. Also to them, for actually having the recipe.
===========
PRAIRIE OYSTER IV

1 egg yolk
2 or 3 grinds black pepper
1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
1 1/2 ounces port
Celery salt to taste.

Slip the unbroken egg yolk into a 4 to 6-ounce wineglass, sour glass or champagne saucer glass. Season with pepper, add the Worcestershire sauce, and pour in the port. Season to taste with celery salt.

When drinking, the egg yolk should be swallowed whole.
Serves 1.
===========

Have fun with that one. Just don't go drink too much. Alcohol poisoning is really bad. So is colliding head on with a Mack 18-wheeler.

August 15th, Alex is back tomorrow. Goodie. Gotta decide whether or not I'll go to Guzzo at 12:45 tomorrow. It should be fun, I think. I'll figure it out before I sleep. Hmm, yeah.
I can't think of what else to write, I'll go now.

Decided to take one of the quizzes on Alex's blog.
My result:

You are Only in Dreams, the last track off of the
Blue album. You are one of the most beautiful
things in creation. You send a simple, but
strong message to those hopeless romantics out
there. Keep doing whatever you're doing, it
makes people feel good.


Which cool =weezer= song are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

In other news, I miss Alex. She's gone till friday, and I've got no one to talk to. Hint hint.
Ring ring. Nudge nudge wink wink. Catch my drift?

Today's thing I find cool: Pinkerton, Weezer's sophomore effort. I picked it up for $13 and it's made me feel... um... happier. I recommend this a lot.
And the thing I don't find cool: St. Anger, by Metallica.
JSP at Six Six Five said it best:
Dear Metallica,

STOP FUCKING TRYING

Why was six afraid of Jesus?

BECAUSE JESUS EIGHT NINE!

Listening to Radiohead's live performance at Musique Plus. They actually sound much better live. I'm not saying that the album work is bad, I just think that it always sounds better during a live show because... there's no mixing or remastering, it's just delivered raw as it is. Anyways, it's quite a good listen. The songs are almost all from their latest album, "Hail to the Thief."
Setlist: 1. Go To Sleep
2. Sail to the Moon
3. A Punchup at a Wedding
4. No Surprises (from OK Computer)
5. I will
6. There There
7. Everything in It's Right Place (Off the Kid A album)
8. Karma Police (from OK Computer [one of their best albums])
9. Like Spinning Plates (From Amnesiac)

All the songs are really well done, especially considering they were performed with only an acoustic guitar and Thom's vocals. I also think there was a keyboard and synthesizer. The songs aren't depressing at all, in my opinion, and are pretty... I don't know, uplifting?
I couldn't help but be impressed by Thom Yorke's lyrical skills. Where else would you hear lyrics like "Karma Police, arrest this man. He speaks in maths, he buzzes like a fridge."? Or that one from Talk Show Host, "You want me? Well fucking well come and find me. I'll be waiting with a gun and a pack of sandwiches."

I'm done raving about Radiohead.

So, what's up with you?

Warped. Today. And I'm not there. Because of that, I've disappointed one friend, to the point that I'm thinking she's mad at me. And at the point where I thought that things couldn't get any worse, I turned around and left. Just ran from my problems. I broke a rule in my book.

Don't run from my problems.

Well, I've certainly gone up shit creek now, no paddle, rafting on 3 attached pieces of plywood with a torn sail in the middle.

To be honest, I would've gone just for aformention friend. Done the right thing, got that shirt and CD, and listened to good music. But I didn't because I'm only finding $15 in my wallet, and none from the parents because I need to work for it. Well, shit. I'm too young for a job, much less a job at a place I'd actually consider working at.

And now I'm miserable. Could it get any worse? ...yeah.

St. Anger by Metallica, it's stuck in my head, and I want to hammer it (it being my head) in. With the back end of the hammer.

And to remedy it, I'm listening to Radiohead.

Joy.

Enough of my bullshit rantings, it's no use at all anyways, it's not like posting it on some site that no one sees will do any good anyways. I never completely understood the reasoning behind this. Other people have their reasons, but I have no sort of motivation to write here. I talk to most all people reading this anyways, with the exception of two or three people. Hell, I can't even remember why I started this.

I guess... I guess it's just so I can do this. Publicize my thoughts. Bring things down a level so it can be transferred digitally into words on your screen.
Why?
I wish I knew. But it's oddly motivating to think about how people who never met you would be able to follow you life story by just reading some words banged out on a half working keyboard that has sticky keys because of many spilled Coke incidents.

I'm done.

Wednesday. Thursday. Shit, I lost track of time there. I'm pretty disoriented. I sleep badly and I make up for it by becoming all odd. Odd in a good way, if there's such a thing.
I don't like this month. I don't like August. There's way too many birthdays to keep track of. 8 so far.
Okay, fuck, I can't think of shit to post. Frankly, I don't actually care to post, but I do anyways because I do. So...

hey kids, tired of your LAME toys?

What rolls down stairs
Alone or in pairs
And over your neighbor's dog?
What's great for a snack?
And fits on your back?
It's Log! Log! Log!
It's Lo-og, Lo-og
It's big, it's heavy It's wood!
It's Lo-og, Lo-og
It's better than bad It's good!!!

It's LOG from BLAMMO!!!

Yeah. It's been nearly a week since I posted and I can't think of the words to say. I don't like posting. But I do. Heh. yeah. Well, fucking well come and find me.
I want some sandwiches. I haven't eaten, and I saw that movie "Aliens" before I fell asleep. Fun. Yeah. I think I'm past my Dawson's Creek moment. It was fun while it lasted. I betcha I'll start up again.

Some thoughts I read from Follow Me Around, a Radiohead site.

If you have been rejected many times in your life, then one more
rejection isn't going to make much difference. If you're
rejected, don't automatically assume it's your fault. The other
person may have several reasons for not doing what you are asking
her to do: one of it may have anything to do with you. Perhaps
the person is busy or not feeling well or genuinely not
interested in spending time with you. Rejections ar part of
everyday life. Don't let them bother you. Keep reaching out to
others. Keep reaching out to others. When you begin to receive
positive responses, then you are on the right track. It's all a
matter of numbers. Count the positive responses and forget about
the rejections.

jump out of bed as soon as you hear the alarm clock!!
you may also find it useful spending five minutes each
morning saying to yourself: "everyday in every way I
am getting better and better." perhaps it is a good idea
to start a new day with the right frame of mind.

Updated my links. Oh my it's late.

A lot of people (read: No one) asked me about the ordering of people on my links. The story behind that is that there is no story. I don't order it according to people I like or not, I just randomly place new links where they are, and keep the ones that were there there where that are.

I love Dawson's Creek. Laugh now.
Ha. Ha. Ha.
I don't know why though. What is it about that group that makes the show so appealing to me? I only picked up on the show at the end of the fourth and start of the last season, but I find myself drawn towards it. Maybe it's because I think Katie Holmes is cute, but I think it's more than that. The story is just so compelling, and it's fun to yell at the TV. What I mean by that?
"NO YOU WUSS GO TELL HER! GOGOGONOOOOOO!"
:) Really gets the stress out. TBS shows two episodes every day, so I try to catch it when it's on. Kinda scary how I started up on the show the same time Melissa did. We were just talking about the show.

Anyways, I find The Sims to be very addictive. Even more so when you play properly. It's so heartwarming to see relationships build, and so funny to see them kick their flamingos. (Flamingoes?)

That's all I have on my mind right now.

I am one lazy motherfuck. I haven't gone to Place Vertu, even after saying I would for the past 3 days. I haven't gotten the Fantasia magazine yet, and I still haven't gotten a buspass/tickets. It's not that I don't have time. I have a lot of that. It's just... I don't want to bother with leaving the house. :| I'll go tomorrow. I'll get the magazine, and see if Jet Grind Radio is at EB. I want that game. It will be mine. Oh yes. It will be mine.

Phone Booth is a great movie.

Listen to more Radiohead. Unless you don't like them. Then don't.

[The Caller cocks his gun]
The Caller: Now doesn't that just torque your jaws? I love that. You know like in the movies just as the good guy is about to kill the bad guy, he cocks his gun. Now why didn't he have it cocked? Because that sound is scary. It's cool, isn't it?

drag him out your window dragging out your dead singing i miss you snakes and ladders flip the lid out pops the cracker smacks you in the head knifes you in the neck kicks you in the teeth steel toe caps takes all your credit cards get up get the gunge get the eggs get the flan in the face the flan in the face dance you fucker dance you fucker don't you dare don't you dare don't you flan in the face take it with the love its given take it with a pinch of salt take it to the tax man let me back let me back i promise to be good don't look in the mirror at the face you don't recognize help me call the doctor put me inside put me inside put me inside put me inside put me inside
I keep the wolf from the door but he calls me up calls me on the phone tells me all the ways that he's gonna mess me up, steal all my children if I don't pay the ransom, and I'll never see them again if I squeal to the cops...

I'm back for the time being. I've gotten a temp replacement, which is my sister's computer. Again. It's nice and shiny.
Specs (for the comp nerds [me])
P4 1.8 GHz
512MB RAM
NVidia Geforce 3 128MB

Nice and shiny.
Anyways, I have to email people. This'll be my last day before I leave for Scarbourough. I have a wedding and baptism to attend. Hope I see a computer around there, or else I'll just listen to music and play Gameboy. Too bad too, cause calling Jess is considered semi-local. Ah well. Hope she sees this.

Anyways, see you all around sometime sooner or later.
KTHXBY.

Alright, so here's the scoop. My computer died and I don't have one at the moment. I'm at my sister's right now, and I'm making a last minute post here. This means I won't be online for a long long while, while I get my computer checked out, possibly getting a new one. About time too, that thing's 3 years old and in need of an upgrade. Anyways, I've gotta go.
KTHXBY.

For the love of God, please remember to put the "s" in blogspot when you type my URL. Why? Bible Megasite. Funny, but the cause of many scares and "OMGWTF!!'s"

Your haiiirrr is everywherrrre, screaming infidelities, and taking it's wearrrr.

Well, I've had a great stat to my day. I open up the newspaper (after reading the comics [oh, how i miss calvin and hobbes]), and I see Alex on the third page holding the new Harry Potter book.
Onto other stuff, the Fantasia Film Festival site has opened. Go check it out. Movie listings and whatnot will be around in a week. Keep your eyes peeled, because I plan on stealing a bunch of friends and going. Also, does anyone (in Montreal, preferably) know where the Concordia Hall Theater is? I know it's near the Guy-Concordia metro, but which exit is it? And how far is it from the station? Contact me if you know.
And one last thing, I just had a good laugh thinking about my friend's short but fun adventure. He fell asleep on his friend's couch, and while he was asleep, they carried him out of the house and put him on the sidewalk. 5 minutes later, he woke up and was like "WHAT THE FUCK!?" Yeah. It was fun. The day after, he was telling everyone how he woke up on the sidewalk, and everyone thought he was insane.

So here we are, the end of Friday. Today's been... alright. I woke up early, and checked the mail. I got Wing Commander: Prophecy in the mail today. Was playing it a lot throughout the day. I called Alex and talked to her for a while. I enjoy talking to her. She's easy to talk to, and I feel that I can really trust her with some things I tell no one else. Yeah...
After she left, I had spent my time listening to music and playing games. I think I might call Melissa later, but no definites. There's always someone on the phone whenever I plan to use it, and when the person's off, it's too late. Ah well. I'll try to make some time and call her sooner or later.
So this is where I am now. I felt like talking about a touchy subject here. It's kinda funny too, considering people may get offended by it. Though, as you know, I don't give a shit if you are or aren't offended.
I felt like talking about stuff that Alex covered on her site. "Love marks." When couples brag about marks they made on each other. Bites, hickeys, etc. It's really gross sometimes. I know, there's a LOT of people who would disagree, but it really puts a damper on my day if I see couples talking about what disfiguring things they made on others that week. I'm trying to eat my sandwich, when people start talking about hickeys and bites they made on each other. That's... eugh. Normally I'd vomit, but I hate the cleanup, so I have to swallow it in. I try to smile it off and say "Oh, that's nice," when really, I feel like getting up and walking out. It's like.... why? It's not some sort of fucking trophy.
After letting that out... I feel like singing obnoxiously loud. I'll be off to my bedroom, yelling out that I'm tired of sex, and then figuring out what the hell the Pixies are saying in "Debaser".
I'm done here.

And for old time's sake....
Stay Frosty.

If I could sing one song at a Karaoke right now, it'd probably be Velouria. Not the Pixies version, but the cover by Weezer. That song is mighty goodness, I suggest you listen to it. GONOWGOGOGOGOGOGO.

In other news, my day's going better than the weekend days that sucked.
Anyways. I'm done here.

Guess what's on MuchMoreMusic again? Yep! Grease 2! It's painful to watch. But I will, there's nothing else on, and well... yeah. I gotta kill the boredom somehow.

I email myself to remember things. Like just now, I emailed myself to remind myself that I have to do some stuff involving LJ Codes and email addresses. I also reminded myself to call Rian, Alex, and Melissa. Kinda like the guy in Memento, except without the polaroids or tattoos, or rape and murder. Hmm, you know, I still have to convince people to sign my yearbook, without resorting to threats or blackmail. It'll be hard, but hey, I see everyone on June 25th, Wednesday to pick up my report card. Bolded to remind any other LHA people when to get your final report card.
Speaking of school, Grease 2 sucked. I really didn't like it. Maybe it's because of it's connection to the original. If it was a stand alone movie, people might like it more. But with the standard established by the first one, Grease 2 failed to meet, or even get close to the first one. To put it short, Grease > j00 >>>>>>>>>>>>>> Grease 2.
Oh yes, that's enough rambling for one day.

Wow, this site's been around for a year now.
The first entries.
Enjoy!
Oh yeah. My AIM name is SpikeSpiegel882. The link's down there.

Science exam today. I think it was pretty easy. Well... more like unusually easy. There were 95 questions, and I went through each one twice in less than an hour. Yeah...
I wonder what happens to the rejected Jelly Belly beans. Are they used as currency in the factories? Swapped amongst workers as a way of finding methods of escape? That would be interesting. "That man has 3000 reds. I bet I could snatch some of those..."
Bugs Bunny and Wile E. Coyote were my sources of unnecessary violence back when I was young. I mean, where else can you see a bunny lead a pack of dogs off a cliff? Or have him turn the barrel of a shotgun towards his shooter? Yeah, cartoons rock.

So here we are, 3 days after the end of the school year, and a few days away from the end of exam week. This week isn't looking to be the greatest one around. Today I had my french exam, reading through short stories and answering mildly hard questions on them. I think I scored somewhere between 70% and 80%. That's my usual mark, I don't find myself getting much higher that often.
Tomorrow is my science exam. I've studied for it for about a week, and now that'll (hopefully) pay off. I have a good feeling about this exam though, I'm going to be walking in confident, and I'll do my best on it.
Wednesday I'm off. Got nothing better to do. More likely than not I'll be home, nothing like going out or whatever.
Thursday is an English exam, some sheet that's not marked, just evaluated to see our skills in English. Something like that, it's really long winded and boring. One of those "fill in the dot" opscan sheets.
Friday's the big one, Math. I'm pushing myself to my limit here. I want to make up for my bad exam mark that I got back in January (58%!). Whole story behind that, probably told all four of you reading this about it. I had five teachers for the first two terms of school, and they all taught... well... shittilly. I redeemed myself the third and fourth term (now). I have a feeling there'll be people mad over my mark for Math... On the third and last term, I got a 95%. According to my teacher, I could pass this term on only my test marks.

Whatever. As long as I pass the year with a respectable mark.

And now, an angsty rant (to fulfill the "blog" part in my address.):
FUCK SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK SHIT MOTHER FUCK SHIT GOD DAMNIT LIFE SUCKS SHIT DAMN HELL PISS SHIT DAMMIT HELL FUCK SHIT SEX FREE MONEY FUCK SEX FUCK DAMN HELL HATE ALL SHIT LIFE PEOPLE HATE SUCKS LOVE SHIT MOTHERFUCKER.

Thank you.

ERIC REVEALS ALL!

I decided to go along with it, decided I've got nothing to lose. And, well, it doesn't exactly matter anymore to me if I do. It's the end of the school year, and I've got two months of nothing. Anyways, the index of things this year.
Crushes this year (The main ones, not the little ones)
An asterisk (*) indicates a crush I still have. Now, in no particular order:
Alex P. *
Julie L.
Angela G. *
Rian G.*
Jess S.J. *(<-sorta) (not in LHA)
Angela M. *
Melissa Y.
Shannon M.
James J.M.*(heheheh) (not in LHA)

Things I...:
...regret: Being a jerk to some, going over the edge of weirdness (as in, it ain't funny anymore), putting off work till the last minute, not memorizing my french presentations (or any for that matter), looking at Eli and Rebecca kiss full-on mouth.
...don't regret: Going nuts in art class (kicking down a chair and yelling 'FUCK!'. Classic moment.), working my hardest at that very last minute, burning all those CDs for Alex, buying that unbelievably kickass Punisher TPB, posting this list.
...want to remember: All those times where my close friends were there for me, and when I was there for them. All those hugs I gave. All those perfectly timed quips and sayings that we all said exactly when needed ('CHEESE IT!', 'How strangely erotic.', 'Aww, someone need a hug?', 'IMMAFUCKYOUUP!').
...want to forget: When Mr. D. said I might've failed the History exam with a 9 on 40. Turns out it wasn't me. He really shouldn't have told me in the first place. Oh, and the 5 math teachers in the first two terms, and how I failed the January Math Exam with a 58%.

Total hugs given this year: Somewhere in the hundreds.
Total hugs given last year: Not so many.

Number of people who owed me money: 8.
Number of people who owe me money now: 8. 7. 5. 3. 2. No names, you know who you are.

Number of pens lost: 12. Half of that was from people who forgot they borrowed from me, half was from my pencil case which I lost.
Number of looseleaf sheets used: Probably somewhere in the thousands.
Number of looseleaf sheets given to others: Somewhere in the hundreds.

Number of times I slept in school: About 28.
Times I was scared to sleep, for fear of being yelled at/killed: 6.

Nights spent sleeping really late on a count of homework: Nearly all in the past year.

Number of relationships that didn't exactly work: 2.

Number of times I swore: At least 5 times per day since the start of the school year.

Number of goodbyes I didn't say today: Too many. ;_;

There will be more when I think of some others.

Hey. Won't do the crush list thing I said I would. Maybe later. I'm in computer class again, it's... what, 8:45 AM. I'm thinking about Radiohead right now. Their new album is coming out in 5 or 6 days, and I plan on picking it up. I really like Radiohead. I'm not sure what it is about them that I like, but I enjoy their mellow tunes and stuff. I still think that pre kid-A was better than their newer stuff, but still, I can't say that their music is bad. And god dammit, why are people reading my screen. Nosy bastards, get away! Jeez. I'll rock on till the breakabreaka dawn, cause you know that's how I am.
Recently, someone said I was stubborn. I was tempted to say "Tell me something I don't know," but I didn't. Didn't want to be a jerk. I do admit, I can be stubborn. Really stubborn. It's really just a part of my nature. I tend to have a short-fuse at times, really.... short. I can control my temper easily, but I still get... Angry....

Anyways, I'm out of here.

I'm at my cousin's house for the 4 year anniversary of my grandfather's death. There's a lot of food and all, but my cousin's out, and it's pretty boring. It's not that I don't know the people here, I know everyone that's showed up. It's just that... I feel alienated, like a third wheel. The only person in my sort of... age group is my cousin, and she's not here. Ah well. I'm pretty much just spending my time listening to CDs that I brought along (Weezer blue, White Stripes - Elephant, Matthew Good - Avalanche, etc.) and thinking about what I should do for the end of the year. I want to write a post here that tells all, all my crushes this year, things I did that I regret/don't regret, stuff I want to remember, blah blah blah. Lots of stuff. I feel like getting that off my chest... and then hearing what people have to say about it.
I need to research and write a french presentation that's due Monday. I have to completely memorize it and everything. The teacher needed to know my topic, and I couldn't think of anything good, so I looked at the premade topic list and chose to talk about a popular person. Or in this case, popular people, Weezer. They're just so rad. I have to make sure I do a good job on this, it's 55% of the exam mark.
I quote my teacher, "If you miss this, if you're absent or sick without a doctor's note, then you get an automatic zero and fail the exam."
That's the sort of thing that gets me nervous. I have a good feeling about this though, I'm sure I'll pass it.

I removed the essay, it was making things screwed, with it's horizontal scrolling and all. I'll post it up online or somewhere so you can still go and read it. :)

Two weeks left till school's over. It's kind of a scary thought, with exams in three weeks, and the doubled amount of work I've gotten lately. I'm really pushing myself right now, and the strain and stress seems to be building. I think I'll pull through though. I still have to write an essay about the assassination of JFK, which is much deeper than I thought it would be. Deeper, in the sense that there's a lot of stuff to sift through before finding what I need, not the philosophical sense. Also, it's not the easiest thing to research. I've seen pictures of the shooting, and stills of the moment he was shot. The sight of it was disturbing. It scared me. It's not like in the movies, like "Hard-Boiled", (one of John Woo's finest), which has a bodycount of 230. In the movies, people are shot all the time, but I know that it's makeup and SFX, but with JFK, I'm seeing someone who lived, who was known, in his last moments of life. I'm starting to wonder whether I should change my essay topic, although now is a little too late.
I have a 2 minute presentation to do for french class that has to be memorized. 2 minutes may not seem like much... but when you're up in front of a class trying to remember what you need to.... it's like an eternity. I don't like presentations. They get me a little... scared. I'm nervous beforehand, scared I'll choke and forget what I need to know. But still, like I said, I think I'll pull through. It's not that bad. I've done longer presentations before. Just not in french.
I also have a math assignment to polish off. It's a nice bunch of work that's preparing me for the finals, and I'm going through it pretty good. My class is behind in terms of the work though. We have two weeks to review everything covered so far, and time is really running short.
Science is one of those subjects, for me, which I have a bad feeling about. Although my average is pretty high (90-something), the exam seems like a monolith, tall and foreboding. My teacher keeps telling us about it, how it's all multiple choice, and how multiple choice is harder. How? Because when you read through the 4 answers given, three might sound logical and reasonable, and one might be worthless. I'd end up getting confused and then take a lucky guess. I'll need to put in some extra effort in that, re-reading my notes, reviewing what I need to.
I have to also get myself another little black notebook, just like the other, because that one has no pages left to write in. It's lasted me the whole year, and it's about time that it was retired. I just hope I don't start some sort of fad, carrying a little book around to scribble or draw in when people don't care about what goes on.
It's almost 11:30, I need to get some shuteye. That'll be hard to do, considering I'm not tired at all, and I'll probably be up past midnight. If I don't get to sleep, I'll probably be making up for lost time in school. That's not so good...

Hey hey, just finishing off an essay at 7AM.

On this day in history...

1642 - Montreal, Canada founded
1852 - Massachusetts rules all school-age children must attend school
1951 - UN moves HQ to NYC
1965 - Gene Roddenberry suggests 16 names, including Kirk, for Star Trek Capt.
1980 - Mount St. Helens erupts, killing 57 people and devastating some 210 square miles of wilderness.

Today on CNN:
Lawsuit filed tries to ban Oreo cookies.
"A lawyer who has spent much of his life enjoying Oreo cookies has sued Kraft Foods Inc. seeking to ban the much-loved cookies in California because they contain trans fat, an ingredient he calls inedible."
This is just like when a bunch of fat people tried to sue McDonalds for making them, and the rest of America fat. All that excess blubber is really frying some brains.

Also, I added a counter, after a year of saying I would.

I slept in and out till 2:30. I was reading the Punisher: Welcome Back, Frank, seeing him kill endlessly. Gruesome stuff.
Things to do:
See Matrix Reloaded again, wait till after the credits.
get my social security number.
open a bank account
Plant a tree (?)

(This post isn't from my little black book! Finally!)
I'm now 14 years and 36 or so hours old. I don't feel any older though. Oh well. My day was easy enough to go through. With only 13 or so people in English class today, we pretty much had a free period to do anything and nothing. I was tempted to sleep. There was only a few people in because of a math competition going on. I didn't do it because I'm not in the enriched program.
Thank god.
French class, one of my hated classes, came about, and I had to do a presentation on a friend I met out of the province/country. Easy enough. I still don't like French class though.
I left the class, headed down the stairs, and wrote a bunch of stuff on my arms to help me remember. Just like the guy in Memento, except I don't have a wife that was raped and murdered. Recess was pretty slow, I just got my CD player and listened to it in Art class. I was listening to the Red Hot Chili Peppers' CD, 'By The Way'. My teacher didn't mind. As long as I didn't start some sort of riot with the CD, then it was okay.
I can't seem to remember what I was doing at Lunch. I ate, then I did stuff that made me laugh. I don't exactly remember it all.
Last period was science. I fell asleep for 2 minutes or so. I lost track of the lesson and had to get it explained to me by a friend. Oh well, my loss. I got home and just ate something, and that was pretty much all that happened. I hope I can sleep tonight... considering I slept a lot in school today.

(This next post is from the little black book I carry.)
May 13th - Happy Birthday to Me!
So it's the 13th. I'm 14... I already got 3 birthday hugs, and a present from Rian. It was a tiara that said 'Birthday Princess' on it, an armband bracelet thing that said "Hottie" on it, and blue socks that say 'princess' on them. Wow. That's really sweet of them, but I'm scared if I wear the socks, they'll rip or something. So should I wear the stuff?...
Okay... at recess then. I won't forget to do it. I'm sure I'll be blushing, even though you can't see it. My skin tone is pretty dark, so blushing on me is hardly noticible. I do blush though. Well.. .wearing the stuff is crazy... so I'll do it.
---
I don't like Home Ec. Well, I like the cooking part of it, but I don't like the majority of my class. I won't mention names to avoid getting myself into some sort of trouble...
---
Yeah. I wore the tiara.
---
Random thought of the moment: I would love to see Weezer live in concert. Not only for the music, but to see the giant lighted =w= sign.
---
My family got a picture of me wearing the stuff. If I get the pictures developped soon enough, I'll scan em in and show them to all.... or just send it to people to avoid getting my pic spread across the net.

Holy shit, I can't believe I forgot to mention it. *slaps forehead*... *lightly, to prevent bleeding*
It was my birthday on the 13th, and today is Tyler's birthday. Happy birthday to them.
And, if there's anyone else I forgot, and I have a sneaking suspicion I did.

Damn archives, why won't you archive like a working archive does?

(The next post is from the little black book I carry.)
May 9, 2003
God damn. My nose was bleeding like crazy today. Left a fucking mess in my science binder, blood on my notes. I have to re-write a bit of stuff now. Shit. It happened during soccer, ball bounced off my teammate's head, and hit me in the face. My nose, which had bled recently, started to bleed again. It started at the end of gym class, all through recess, until Science. I was sitting in class, I felt something in my nose. Thought it was just snot or something... nothing messy.
I was wrong.
I was breathing from my nose, and a spurt of blood shot out onto my arm. I was scared as fuck, so I got up, got kleenex, and headed to the office. I got ice on my head. Ice. It's the solution to almost all the school problems.
Anyways, mother's day's coming up. Gotta do something nice, but I already got my ideas.
I'm seeing how many hugs I can get in english class. Just randomly asking, you know?
----
Oooh yeah. 15 hugs!...

From 7 people. :p

(The next post is from the little black book I carry.)
May 7, 2003
I feel pretty... shitty. First, I couldn't burn Alex's CD, the one I promised to give her today. I found out that it was okay, and that I had one more day to do it. And then I found out one of my friends is leaving LHA. Damn... She was nice too, fun to talk to. The least I could do is give a hug or something...
---- (written during the Awards assembly, while watching Senior Campus Principal H. Weiner talk) ----
He was babbling. Rambling. He had no idea what he was saying, and neither did I. He lost me way back at the start of his 3 minute sentence. I was imagining his speech on higher academic standards to be stopped by a football in the groin.
----
Things to do tonight:
-Burn Alex's CD
-Homework (if any)
-Random insanity.
----
And that makes up my night for now. I wish I was listening to the White Stripes. Or =w=. Or... anything else but the metro. God dammit. It isn't moving, some problems on the orange line. This is the last thing I'd have wanted to happen right now. Fuck! Should've taken the 16 or something...
Arrived at the metro: 3:42 PM.
Metro started moving: 3.55 PM.
Anyone see something wrong with that?
That's it for today.

I'm in school posting. got five minutes so I won't type with any sort of grammar. I have this feeling I'll end up typing good anyways. Yeah, my day's pretty shit. I had this test in computer class, pretty long winded, but I think it's ok, considering I scored 98%. \m/. I couldn't get alex's Cd burned in time. My CD burner thing kept fucking up, but I think I got a solution. I'll try today, but I don't have much time to do it. It;s like.... 24. Time is running out! I'm outta here.

I saw X2. It kicks ass.
X2 PWNZ J00.

Hey hey, just checking in again. I will actually make a long post. It'll be from my little black book, as always. Later.

I'm alive.
kthxbye

Recap of my day - 2003-03-11
I'm fucking tired. Anyways, here's my day, live as it happens.
1st - Science: Talking about earthquakes, my teacher keeps mentioning death and destruction in earthquakes. Depressing. 30 minutes into class. It's boring. I'm just waiting till I snap. "Blah blah blah." - The teacher.
I want to sleep in class, but I sit up near the front, so I can't. Shaan, the guy sitting beside me, is stupid, and I wanna ram his head into a computer monitor. I've had enough about writing about Science class.
---
My alarm is set to go off at 5:30 AM. I get up and lower the volume and go back to bed, listening to the calm morning music. I get up at 6 AM and get dressed.
---
Anyways...
2nd - Math: I scored 39/40 on the math test! Highest score in the class! Good good...
Recess:: People were touching my hair again! Arg... I wouldn't mind if they asked, but there's like 4 people always trying to... cop-a-feel...
3rd - English: I think I'm not exactly enjoying today. I think I'll lose my mind. Anyways, reading for 20 minutes has lost it's charm, and I'm bored, and still thinking about the speech topic. I have 55 minutes to think up a topic and start writing.
Okay good. A topic, "'Don't judge a book by it's cover.' - the meaning behind the words.'" That shall be my public speaking topic.
Lunch: Goofed off, listened to music, talked. I still have to pay for the ticket...
4th - Home Ec: I was tired. Not only tired of school, but also the teacher's pointless rambling. POINTLESS! I was happy that it was over.
After school - Subway: Talked to the gang, and went home. I'm writing this as I sit in the metro. There's a cute girl in front of me, and two hyper kids... annoying, but they've left. I got off the metro, only to miss the bus. I hate having to walk. The street I have to walk through, it smells like someone/something died, with a mix of exhaust and butane. It's a depressing walk. If I'm not careful, I'll be hit by traffic. My neighborhood is actually quite nice. There's no shooting or murder, it's quite calm. I also like the fact that I live fairly close to a hospital. :)
Final thoughts: Driving a sidewalk snowplow must be fun!

I have to do public speaking. I'm still thinking about the subject, and so far, all the topics I've thought about were... depressing. More later, no time to think. I'll post here later. And James, Zen.

fuck grammar or spellung. it;salmost 11pm andi 'm tired and cynical.wooo loook i spelled a long word right. yeah, il;,m not trying to spell bad, i'ts just me sloppyily typing becuese i'm tired. i want osee how long ti takes tilll igo nuts. hahahhaha isaid nts. nus. nuts. that' smore like it ooooO! smore! i said smoer. loookee at that.
je pense que je suis mal a la tete. that means, for the nonfernch speeekers therereading this, I THINK I AM LOSING it it being my MIND
no, not really, just lazy. I mean, I can type normally, and be controlled, but why? imean what's the point antways? there's probably only liek trhee to six peopler eading this anyways, so whyshould ti matter how i spell? you know what? if you read this, the n FUCKING COMMENT
....please?
i'd reely apperceate it. <3
heh.
tanku, tanku. now for me to go.
by ebye.

I am so going to start throwing my books down in school and start screaming. I will then rip out all my hair and eat it, then kill whoever walks by me.

Part II
-Monday-
I walked into class. My mind was a mess. I wasn't thinking clearly, couldn't think straight. The clouds had rolled in, the sky was a dark shade of gray.
The final line was an exclamation point to the class. I put the cap on my pen... and it was over. History was next.
History came, I calmly took down notes and the bell rang. It rang in a loud wait, continuous and neverending.
Math had no teacher, nothing happened. Just like how nothing happened on the weekend.
The bell rang and it was time. I started my way up the crowded stairs. It was almost like herding cattle. Taking the less traveled path, I ended up right where I needed to be -- French Class.
A lone bead of sweat trickled down my brow. But I was ready.
I let out a sigh of relief. It was over. The clouds parted, the sun shined brightly... I could see clearly. But it wasn't over. I had the grin of a winner, but it wouldn't last long.
The bell signalled the end of the day. That was it... for now anyways
-Tuesday-
Forgot to write for today
-Wesnesday
I need a haircut...
-Thursday- The Abrupt End
The teacher was stright. The room was cold. Colder than Montreal in the winter nights. Colder than death.

Well, that was it. That was the week long summary. I ended it quickly because of how I couldn't think up any good similies for the text. Anyways, later on, I'll continue with the Black Book Chronicles, with a couple of brief entries involving the need for tear gas in schools and a metro car with only four lights on.

This is from my little black book that I carry with me, almost always. I made a summary of a week back in October-November in it. Here it is. Enjoy.
-Friday-
The morning was drenched in gloom. The only thing on my mind was the coming rain. I walked quietly down the streets of De La Peltrie. Thoughts ravaged my mind like a buzzsaw. What would I do? Where would I turn?

I was a high school student with nothing to lose in the cold urban night.

I had stumbled onto something big. Somehow, I had a feeling this would get worse.

The screen flickered off, and I looked on as all the others turned off in unison. One by one, they went dark, every screen. Darker than the night.
(Later on...)
The screen blinked on, row by row, the darkness faded away.

People I didn't know, walking up to me, asking me by name. It scared me. I don't know about angels... but it's fear that gives men wings.

The pressure kept building, and I forced it back. Their questions and my inability to answer. I wondered who would snap first?

I didn't know if I could go through with this. The pressure kept building, rising. I was going to snap.
But when I do, I'll be sure to take some people with me.

The pressure rose, it kept building. Like a kettle about to let go of it's steam, I was at my boiling point.

I made a mistake. I had the wrong binder. I felt as if I had walken three steps past the cliff's edge.

Tomorrow, Monday's entry.

As I was going to St. Ives I met a man with seven wives. Each wife had seven sacks, each sack had seven cats, each cat had seven kits. Kits, cats, sacks, wives, how many were going to St. Ives?

Snopes, the one site that helps me debunk useless forwards and break chain letters.
Ooh, I bet I have whole milleniums of bad luck now!

And to finish off the day, I actually got a blue screen of death in XP!
I'm going to sleep now, waiting in nervousness for the Math exam.
So till next time...

SEE YOU SPACE COWBOY...

Well, the exam was easy. Enough of that subject.
[start rant]
Why? Why, Fox, Why? You just have to cancel good stuff which has good chances of being popular, and you air absolute bullshit like this? There was so much potential in all those other shows that got the axe, for example, (and I know you'd probably mention it), Girls Club. You see, with time, that would've ended up being pretty great, but with only two episodes.... it's hard to say how it could've turned out. Instead, we get "When Animals Attack... In High Speed Car Chases! 2!" Well, actually, that would be pretty cool. Seriously though, I really don't know how someone could stand with watching shit like that every week/day.
[end rant]

I'd just love to take a bottle of bourbon, throw it at whoever's responsible for that, and say: "Oh, that show was spectacular! Now show the one that doesn't suck."

Added Steve 1 to the links. It's about time too, I keep saying I will but I forget. New year's resolution? Less procrastination.

I love Die Hard. It's one of those films that never gets old, like Joey said on Friends. To sum the movie up, Bruce Willis plays John McClane. He is at a Christmas party at his wife's office on christmas eve/day, when it's taken over by Professor Snape (ehehehe) and a bunch of other machine gun toting people. McClane, being the cop that he is, decides to save everyone using stealth and loud guns. <- That's an oxymoron, no? Anyways, I felt like taking about it, especially since I consider it a good Christmas movie.

Well, ah, I'd better go prepare for my history exam. Wish me luck.

WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS...

Monday's exam was okay, i think i did above average. just studying for the next two now...

"You're criminal trash, the lot of you. I don't need your help. Why would I? I don't need any favors from SCUM! I'm Frank FUCKING Carter of Flying Squad! That's right, the Flying Squad, the MET's finest. It'll be a long day in January before I beg for help from criminal trash."

Exam Week for January:
Monday: French exam
Thursday: History (LIEK OMG!!!111Shift+1!!!) exam
and Friday: Math exam
Updates on the insanity later, treetoss now.

Quick rundown of my day, with extra erotic details added in! Okay, no, since not much happened.
1st period - French: Oral presentations all class, it was pretty nerve wracking. I think I did okay, I didn't pay attention to anyone else's, I was busy thinking about Metal Gear ZEN. Yes, it still lives.
2nd Period - Art: No work, I just sketched a bit in my sketchbook, since I finished my project and was left with no work to do.
Recess (yeah yeah, I get recess, so blah.) - I don't remember. I think I just stuck with a few people and talked, and ate a sandwich. I waved hello to Sruti and Annuh and Cassie, and everyone else who seemed to call out to me.
3rd Period - History: Watched someone get burned after the teacher exposed his plagiarism (sp?) to the class, and yeah. A bunch of other people presented, but none of them really caught my attention.
Lunch: Read Recess bit, except with more hello waving, and no sandwich.
Last Period - Math: Chaos. Total chaos. There's a fucking exam next week, and as always, no one shuts up. That's the only class I have where I wish I could have a gun. Not to kill, just to have people's attention.
Class: "Blahblahblahblahlblahblah"
BANG! "SHUTTTTT IT!" i dunno... i just don't like the class. and rumor has it the teacher is leaving, making math class all the much worse. FUCK.
In short, blah.
And now it's time for the sentence with the overuse of the word "you", which is dedicated to...
you, you, you, you, you, aaannd of course, you.
I feel better now. So I guess it's safe to say...

SEE YOU SPACE COWBOY...

Updated the links, removed a couple which are pretty dead. If you're violently offended that your link is gone, then please say so, and I'll stick it back up.
heh, and I haven't gotten a donation with that button in months. ;)

Been a fool, been a clown
Lost my way from up and down
And I know, yes I know
And I see it in your eyes
That you really weren't suprised at me at all
Not at all
And I know by your smile it's you.

Don't care for me, don't cry
Let's say goodbye, Adieu.
It's time to say goodbye, I know that in time
It will just fade away, it's time to say goodbye.

I stand alone, and watch you fade away like clouds
High up and in the sky
I'm strong and so cold
As I stand alone
Goodbye, So long, Adieu.

Oh how I love you so, lost in those memories
And now you've gone
I feel the pain, feeling like a fool, Adieu

My love for you burns deep
Inside me, so strong
Embers of times we had
And now here I stand lost in a memory
I see your face and smile.

Oh how I love you so, lost in those memories
And now you've gone
I feel the pain, feeling like a fool, Adieu

My love for you burns deep
Inside me, so strong
Embers of times we had
And now here I stand lost in a memory
I see your face and smile.

I like don't like dislike HATE HISTORY! Slapping us with a fucking 10 page project, and a poster, and giving another class only the poster because they whined about having too much work. I don't give a shit if i've mentioned that, because it's still getting me mad. Seriously now, that's not fucking fair. Why do we get more back breaking work than another class? Because of the godforsaken thing, i haven't gotten much sleep, I find myself a little irate and irritable, and this whole project leaves a bad taste in my mouth. The plus is that I'm learning something useful, the downside is the price I've payed in return. Many nights I find myself sleeping late, or that one night where I didn't sleep at all. I feel terrible. Now, if you'd excuse me, I will go collapse on the floor.

Happy new year!
Edit - 1:05AM:
The first thing I ate this year was a chicken sandwich I made.
From the GameFAQs boards: "Holy shit, I haven't whacked it since last year."