6 days since I've last posted. I know some of you were getting a little worried.
If you're reading this, good job! You've found the secret text!
Okay, I'm getting ahead of myself. No one was really worried. But anyways.

The story so far...

I made a CD this morning with the intent of making something emotionally down. I think about it now and I have no idea why I did. But I did anyways. I listened to it a lot today, and when I got home, I wasn't exactly being all that I could be. But I tried to rise above it, took out the trash, cleaned up and took a short (5 minute) nap.

The nap I took wasn't the kind that I sleep in. I was laying back, eyes closed. My mind overloaded as thoughts spilled out faster than oil spilled out of the Exxon Valdez. The music made me think. About life. Love. People. The things I want. The kinds of thoughts that keep you up at night in a cold sweat. The kinds of thoughts you bury down deep inside behind everything else, hoping that they never come out and haunt you later on.

I hate moments like these. The kind of time you spend seeing all the negatives, all the bad, and all the things you've ever done wrong, and all the things you regret not doing. You wouldn't know it by looking at me, but inside, sometimes, I'm a broken man. I'm emotionally crumbling sometimes. I keep it submerged so others won't be brought down with me, but I know that it's better to let it out and let them know what's wrong.

Especially my friends. Especially her.
I never really share how I feel during the day. I kind of just veer off the subject and talk about something else. A lot of the time, I'm really good. I'm A-OK, as a matter of fact. But sometimes, I'm miserable. It's days like that where I'm quiet and I'm not saying much. I smile it off and say a bit just so they'll feel I'm OK, but then I walk off and go back to being myself.

Before this degenerates into the sort of heavy handed posts that a ton of the blogging population posts, I'll stop here. I've let enough out.

I'm a reasonable man, get off my case.
- Radiohead - from "Packt Like Sardines in a Crushd Tin Box"
Friend is a four letter word.