Tucker: "Let me get this straight, you're telling me that the guy that showed up here, scared the living shit out of us, shot at caboose, and beat the hell out of the Reds wasn't a guy at all? That he was a chick, and on top of that, she was your ex-girlfriend?"
Church: "In a nutshell, yes, that's an excellent summary."
Caboose: "I should've known. She didn't like me. Girls never like me."
Tucker: "Caboose, I don't think anybody likes you."
Caboose: "I like me."
8.17.2004
8.16.2004
Stolen from board 402:
I chewed up the piece of waffle in my mouth which was drenched in syrup and swallowed. It went down, down into my belly. As I readied my fork in front of my mouth for another scrumptious bite, there was a knock on the door. I got up from my chair to see who it was.
It was my girlfriend! Her shoulder-length black hair shimmered in the early morning light. Her tight t-shirt barely contained her C-cup breasticles. The tight jeans she was wearing didn’t leave much to the imagination.
“Hey sis,” I said as I invited her in. Then out of nowhere…
Her head exploded! Her brains splattered across my shirt and face. Blood was everywhere. Grey matter soaked into my shirt.
“WTF!?!!?” I exclaimed.
A man in all black emerged from a nearby bush. He looked sort of like…
It was a ninja! “Y helo thar” he said.
“You just killed my sister and lover! How could you!?”
“She was not your girlfriend at all… She was a pirate.”
“WHAT!?! How could that be?!”
“Why, it’s quite obvious.” He said “Notice her peg-leg and eyepatch.”
“Oh. Oh yeah. Good call.”
And then they emerged. Pirates. From all directions. Bushes, trees, off of my roof. EVERYWHERE! Their peg-legs clicking on the ground and their cutlasses raised.
“Argh, mateys, we’re going to slice ye throats.”
“Yeah, whateva” said the Ninja. He struck the five closest pirates with his katana. He picked off two of the pirates on the roof with a couple of ninja stars. “Ninja brethren! It is time!” he shouted.
Ninjas came from everywhere. They had even more hiding spaces than the pirates. It was time…
A massive battle erupted on my front lawn. Pirates sliced off ninjas’ arms with their mighty cutlasses and stabbed them in the eyes with their hooks. Ninjas flipped around and kept being totally sweet. Dead bodies littered the ground. Finally, the battle was done. Almost…
The final pirate and the final ninja faced eachother.
“Arrr” said the pirate.
“Y helo thar” said the ninja.
Then… as if sent from the Lord above…
CHUCK NORRIS!!!!
Chuck Norris lept from the sky and took down their candy asses.
He used his 1337 Texas ranger karate to kick off the pirate’s head. “OWNED!!” screamed Chuck Norris.
Chuck pulled out his sawed-off shotgun and blasted a whole through the ninja’s chest. “SHOTGUN’D!!!” shouted Chuck Norris.
“Now then… how bout some waffles?” he said.
And then we all had a good laugh.
THE END
I chewed up the piece of waffle in my mouth which was drenched in syrup and swallowed. It went down, down into my belly. As I readied my fork in front of my mouth for another scrumptious bite, there was a knock on the door. I got up from my chair to see who it was.
It was my girlfriend! Her shoulder-length black hair shimmered in the early morning light. Her tight t-shirt barely contained her C-cup breasticles. The tight jeans she was wearing didn’t leave much to the imagination.
“Hey sis,” I said as I invited her in. Then out of nowhere…
Her head exploded! Her brains splattered across my shirt and face. Blood was everywhere. Grey matter soaked into my shirt.
“WTF!?!!?” I exclaimed.
A man in all black emerged from a nearby bush. He looked sort of like…
It was a ninja! “Y helo thar” he said.
“You just killed my sister and lover! How could you!?”
“She was not your girlfriend at all… She was a pirate.”
“WHAT!?! How could that be?!”
“Why, it’s quite obvious.” He said “Notice her peg-leg and eyepatch.”
“Oh. Oh yeah. Good call.”
And then they emerged. Pirates. From all directions. Bushes, trees, off of my roof. EVERYWHERE! Their peg-legs clicking on the ground and their cutlasses raised.
“Argh, mateys, we’re going to slice ye throats.”
“Yeah, whateva” said the Ninja. He struck the five closest pirates with his katana. He picked off two of the pirates on the roof with a couple of ninja stars. “Ninja brethren! It is time!” he shouted.
Ninjas came from everywhere. They had even more hiding spaces than the pirates. It was time…
A massive battle erupted on my front lawn. Pirates sliced off ninjas’ arms with their mighty cutlasses and stabbed them in the eyes with their hooks. Ninjas flipped around and kept being totally sweet. Dead bodies littered the ground. Finally, the battle was done. Almost…
The final pirate and the final ninja faced eachother.
“Arrr” said the pirate.
“Y helo thar” said the ninja.
Then… as if sent from the Lord above…
CHUCK NORRIS!!!!
Chuck Norris lept from the sky and took down their candy asses.
He used his 1337 Texas ranger karate to kick off the pirate’s head. “OWNED!!” screamed Chuck Norris.
Chuck pulled out his sawed-off shotgun and blasted a whole through the ninja’s chest. “SHOTGUN’D!!!” shouted Chuck Norris.
“Now then… how bout some waffles?” he said.
And then we all had a good laugh.
THE END
8.13.2004
This post is for Rian, cause I know she reads this. Go Rian!
I was watching the Teen Jeopardy thing today, and wow, some of those contestants are pretty hot. Smart too. It's a winning combination.
Garden State is coming to Montreal at the AMC on the 20th. It's that new movie with Zack Braff (from Scrubs) and Natalie Portman (from Leon: The Professional). It's a bit of a romantic/dramatic comedy, but not so much that it's a chick flick. I might go see it, I need a lesser known movie to top off the summer.
I was watching the Teen Jeopardy thing today, and wow, some of those contestants are pretty hot. Smart too. It's a winning combination.
Garden State is coming to Montreal at the AMC on the 20th. It's that new movie with Zack Braff (from Scrubs) and Natalie Portman (from Leon: The Professional). It's a bit of a romantic/dramatic comedy, but not so much that it's a chick flick. I might go see it, I need a lesser known movie to top off the summer.
8.02.2004
Today was really awful.
I feel unusual because my antidepressants are making me hairy.
Last night I had to shave my entire body. Apparently, the lice that I caught from Amanda's friend are really hard to get rid of. I look quite strange with no hair and eyebrows. I'd post pictures, but my webcam is broken.
I am updating this journal for the first time in ages, because I can't type with hairy fingers.
That's enough for now. But I'll leave you with this thought once again - sharing your life with strangers on the internet is the cheapest form of therapy available. Leave a comment and tell me I'm beautiful.
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I feel unusual because my antidepressants are making me hairy.
Last night I had to shave my entire body. Apparently, the lice that I caught from Amanda's friend are really hard to get rid of. I look quite strange with no hair and eyebrows. I'd post pictures, but my webcam is broken.
I am updating this journal for the first time in ages, because I can't type with hairy fingers.
That's enough for now. But I'll leave you with this thought once again - sharing your life with strangers on the internet is the cheapest form of therapy available. Leave a comment and tell me I'm beautiful.
Created with the Gregor's Semi-Automatic LiveJournal Updater™. Update your journal today!
Powered by Rum and Monkey
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