I'm not dead!

I'm in school. Computer class. $5 says someone reads over my shoulder. Anyways. I haven't posted in a long while, no real reason why I didn't.

I spent Recess in Mr. Barnes' class. He had his guitar, and he started playing Creep by Radiohead. It was amazing. I ended up doing the vocals, and yeah. There was a big crowd in his class. I had fun, I'm dropping in at Lunch to goof off and stuff. I have him for last period too, for MSI. (Modern Social Issues)

Anyways, this isn't that great of a way to kill time. Or anything else for that matter.

You're so fucking special...

"My problems are nothing, there are people in other countries that are worse off than me. People starving, etc etc."
Never tell yourself this.

I told a friend of mine once that when you say this to yourself, you're really only masking your problems and lying to yourself to make yourself feel better. You're not there. You're not in that situation.

You're here. You've got friends to talk to. People to turn to. You've got people that you can trust.

I know like... 15 different people that I can turn to for advice. But I don't know why I feel so tongue tied. I've felt down but I don't know why. I'd talk about it, but it's one of those things that perplexes me. I feel down for no reason, I have every reason to be up and about, yet I'm not.

People ask me why I don't go to them for advice. They say how I always find time to help them out yet when it comes to myself, I never feel like sharing. They feel guilty because it's almost one sided. I soak all their problems in and I don't return the favour. The best I can tell them is that I don't want to burden them with my problems. That's not everything though. I have trouble telling people how I feel, because I have this fear of what'll happen after I say what bothers me. Especially if it involves them directly. I have trouble expressing myself, that's a way of putting it. When it comes to writing, I can do that easy, but when it comes to talking about my personal life... I'm comfortable talking about the good times, but I can't bring myself to say a word about the stuff that brings me down.

There's also this guilt hovering over my head every day.
Lies.
I do it a lot. I hate it. But I can't help it. I'll explain what I mean.
I lie when people ask me what's wrong. They can tell exactly how I feel just by how I look, posture, expression, even just by the sound of my voice. But I tell them I'm okay. Connects with above. I've tried over and over to stop myself from doing this, but it's a nasty habit that I can't shake off. I've broken promises to myself. Said things like "I promise I won't lie about that," and yet I always end up doing it. It's a pretty horrible feeling.
I know that being honest will lead me to feeling better, but... I don't know.

I'm such a fucking mess sometimes, I worry myself and everyone else.

I've got time to kill. Like, lots. I'm in Comp class, and like, yeah. I finish assignments unusually fast, so I find myself with a hell of a lot of free time to use up. So what am I going to do?

Well, I've been given a bonus assignment to take up my time. I don't know what it is, but I'll find out soon enough.

Bwahahahaha!

Sharing your opinion on a blog may hurt other people, and in the process, can lead you to lose friends.
Lesson learned.
Shut the fuck up.

Chocolate fondue = mass pwnage.